As you may have noticed, there was no Creative Writes in July. On July 7, my world turned temporarily upside down when I received a delayed email from my brother, telling me that if I were reading his words, he would have taken his life the day before. Immediately I called the police and within hours my life became a frantic and chaotic round of calls and faxes to and from homicide detectives, a victim assistance counselor, the medical examiner’s office, a funeral home, and my brother’s landlord. By July 15, I was in Texas dealing with what needed to be done.
Like all the difficult times I have experienced in my life, this one was a learning experience. It was my brother, who pointed out the focus of the lesson for me in his final letter. "Living without…any meaningful connection to other human beings is not really living at all," he wrote.
My brother had Asperger's disorder, or high function autism, a neurological condition that gifted him with genius in music and computers and at the same time robbed him of social skills. Those skills included the ability to empathize with others and to participate in the give and take of relating to others, something he had desperately craved the last ten years of his life.
Although I’m not autistic, my own life has tended to be more solitary than gregarious. Many writers are by nature introverts. We observe, reflect, and when we sit to write at the computer or on a yellow legal pad, we are ultimately alone – lost in our own thoughts and our own worlds. We may be surrounded by friends and family, but the act of writing is a solitary one except for an occasional visit from the muses.
Those of us who write for publication, often find ourselves feeling isolated even though our ultimate goal is to connect with readers. After all, we professional writers are independent entrepreneurs who must deal with cranky editors, slumping book sales and self-promotion hassles on our own. When deadlines loom, we stop answering the phone and reject social invitations.
As does the rest of humanity, writers need human connection. We need to care and feel cared about. We also need to belong, to feel that we are a part of a greater whole. Because popular culture tends to romanticize writers as loners, many of us dismiss those needs when they arise in us and cry out for fulfillment. Unless we mindfully attend to them, our feelings of isolation beget more isolation.
Some things that writers can do to connect are:
Give an existing writing group a chance. Most writing groups offer programs on topics of interest to writers as well as an opportunity to talk shop. Even if you aren’t interested in the programs, these groups offer a way to connect with other writers. If the first group you try doesn’t fit your needs, try another one.
Take a class. Most community colleges and free universities offer writing classes. So do writer’s organizations. Don’t limit yourself to writing classes. Sign up for a class in something you think you might want to write about or a photography class so that you can take photos for your articles or to put in your journal.
Find or start a writer’s support group. Unlike a critique group, a support group is focused around encouraging other writers to realize their dreams. The center of attention here is creative process and friendship, rather than getting and giving feedback on your writing.
Participate in an online discussion group. Poets & Writers, Inc. offers a number of free forums on their site http://www.pw.org . Yahoo Groups < http://groups.yahoo.com/> and Topica < http://lists.topica.com/> offer searchable databases of dozens of lists on writing and journaling that foster connection. Like writer’s organizations, each discussion group has its own character. If you don’t like a group, unsubscribe and join another.
Join a book discussion group. Not only will you be supporting reading during a time when the practice of reading is in decline, you’ll have the opportunity for conversation with like-minded literary people, instead of passing them in the night at the local Borders or Barnes & Noble.
Reach out to an author whose work moves you. Just because writers have been published, doesn’t mean they aren’t people who delight in hearing how others have been affected by their words. Many authors have websites that list an email address. Those who don’t, can be contacted via snail mail through their publishers.
This month write about a connection you made with another human being that changed the direction of your life. You might want to write this in the form of a letter that you can choose to send or not.