As writers, we specialize in relationships. After all, writing consists of tying one idea to another by tying one word to another to make a satisfying whole. Beyond this, our job is to communicate with potential readers. The ability to make a deep and solid connection separates the good writers from the mediocre.
Even when we journal words meant for our eyes alone, we still have an audience – ourselves. Journals are opportunities to befriend ourselves. Our best insights only emerge in a safe environment. When we whine, bully or become too self critical, we know we'd be fools to take our own advice. We stop listening and eventually we stop journaling.
Writing is at heart a conversation. When we journal, we converse with ourselves in order to make meaning of our lives. When we write words to be shared with others, we invite those others to dialog with us. Even though we may never receive feedback from them, all the time people are reading our work, they respond to it with thoughts and feelings. Although this conversation is invisible, it is real.
When this conversation isn’t present, a piece of writing becomes lecture, monologue or harangue. Readers don't feel as if they are a part of the work, whether that work is a poem, an article, a piece of fiction or a journal entry. Cut off from relationship, they know that the writer is too wrapped up in him or herself to even consider connecting and they stop reading.
I can't bear to read pompous writers, the ones who are always right and use ten thousand dollar words in an attempt to prove themselves superior to me. I dislike authors who write with deliberate obscurity in order to show off. As soon as I sense that they’ve set out to befuddle rather than enlighten or inform me, I stop reading. Neither can I stand to read writers who who don’t give a fig for what I care about or what is important for me to know. Come to think about it, I don't like to deal people like that on a face to face basis either.
The best old time blues musicians were aware of the need to connect with audiences. They called it playing to the faces. These musicians singled out one or two people nearest the stage. Rather than trying to make music for everyone present, they looked the people they had chosen in the eyes and played their hearts out to them. As a result, their music profoundly moved many listeners.
To connect effectively in our writing, we need to find a middle ground. The archaic technique of directly addressing an audience with dear reader asides doesn't work. It is too intrusive and breaks the flow of the prose. The dear reader ploy comes across as phony and pushy as the salesperson who slaps us on the back and claims to be our best friend in order to get us to buy something we don’t want or need.
Neither can we allow ourselves to be too self conscious about what others might think of us. Wanting people to like us isn’t a solid basis for creating a dynamic conversation. Neither is craving approval.
When we play to the faces, we are in essence making eye contact with our readers in order to form a bond with them. Before we can do that, we must first fully acknowledge and accept who we are. Only when we are willing to be authentic, to literally write our hearts out, can we allow ourselves the vulnerability of relationship. In writing, as in life, the rules of good conversation apply.
This month take the time to consider your relationships with the people in your life, both the intimate relationships and those that are more superficial and transitory. As you move through your day tune into how your body responds to your interactions with other people.
Notice the people who make it safe for you to open up, to listen and to share. Who in your life inspires you? Who makes you feel more creative, more fully yourself? Write about the qualities these people have that encourage you to connect.
Notice the people who shut you down and send you into self protective mode. Who causes you to feel defensive and to keep your opinions and feelings close to your chest? Who pushes you away? Who brings you down? Write about the qualities they exhibit.
When you’ve finished your observations, write about how you can apply these insights to your writing? What can you do to make a positive connection with your readers? Now do it!