Some positive coping skills young people might want to try when the changes they are going through because of their parents' divorce seem overwhelming are:
Sticking to old routines as much as possible. Visitation and maybe even moving can throw familiar habits into turmoil for a time, but teenagers can help themselves feel more secure in the middle of transition if they keep much of their lives the same as before their parents' divorce. If you always go to bed by 10:30 on school nights and midnight on weekends, stick to that habit as best you can. If you always eat breakfast, then keep on eating it. Go to school, exercise, watch your regular television shows.
Establishing new routines. Sometimes when we're faced with too many new people and events in our lives, we get to the point of not knowing what to do first. If that happens, many of us tell ourselves that we'll get our act together tomorrow and we don't do anything. One way to make new routines for ourselves and to start moving ahead in our lives is to make daily lists of the things we want and need to do. Even if we can't check off all the items at the end of the day, by making a list we establish a pattern for our activities and have some idea about what's going to happen next.
Learning to ask for what you need Even in the best of times, parents are not mind readers. When they are caught up in dealing with their own emotional isues raised by a divorce, they usually don't have the time or energy to guess what it is we want or need. You need to learn to tell them. If you're desperate to hear some kind of reassurance, ask for it. If you don't like being expected to take sides when your parents argue, let them know in a polite, but firm way. When you tell people what you need from them, you won't always get it, but if you never ask, your chances of having your needs met are lower.
Building a support network. While we need to learn to stand on our own emotional feet, we also must accept the fact that we need support from other people to help us through life's storms. Reaching out to friends and extended family members such as aunts and uncles and grandparents to start building relationships that aren't completely focused on our parent's divorce helps us to reclaim our own lives apart from our troubles. People who have some distance from the problems we are going through can often offer good advice and encouragement. They can help us get our minds going in other directions besides just thinking about what is bothering us.
Straight Talk about Divorce has more information on how to:
- Meet your own emotional needs
- Start to look at life in a positive way
- Learn to view yourself in a positive way
- Take life one day at a time.